Cancer is lonely.
Your family rally around you. Your friends post praying hands on facebook, and send their heal fast messages. Some are great , but somehow some feel like they are seeking attention and sympathy for themselves. I do not want anyone feeling sorry for me. Nor do I want to take any of the "credit" away from anyone who wished me well. I honestly felt all the well wishes and prayers helped. I liked the moral support.
Sometimes cancer and the treatments made me feel lonely. Yes people offered to come, and people dis come with me often . It was not a lack of people , it was cancer. It was not feeling sorry for myself , but I did wonder how cancer chose me. On the other hand why not?
During chemo, I would sometimes go alone, my preference. I would chat it up with the person next to me , if they felt like it. I had competent nurses, most were even friendly. They were busy but reassuring. But watching that poison drip what seemed endlessly from the IV bag into my vein, made me feel small. Made me feel sad, and lonely. It almost had nothing to do with the cancer.I mean having cancer is no picnic!
I felt lonely sitting watching that drip,when my roommate fell asleep from the Benedryl they put in the IVs to stave off allergic reactions. I knew that this cancer battle was mine alone. I felt lonely sometimes even though the nurses with their smiling faces would come in and out bring lunch and comment 'Hey only 2 hours left today" Or "make sure you drink all that water to flush this garbage out of your body". That was always comforting , to hear the nurses call my Chemo meds what they are poison. It actually was comforting , because they were being honest Honesty is something I will always value!
So there are days I still feel lonely ,no fault of my family , they are great support. I feel alone in my cancer fight, even though the surgery likely took it all out of my body I hope.. I am on medication daily for 5-10 years so it does not re-occur. Somedays I just feel lonely. Too quiet. That's when you'll see this crazy old broad with the radio turned up singing in my car to any Beatles tune, or Ramones...
I'm not crazy(debatable) , just feeling lonely. If you like sing along!
Sometimes cancer and the treatments made me feel lonely. Yes people offered to come, and people dis come with me often . It was not a lack of people , it was cancer. It was not feeling sorry for myself , but I did wonder how cancer chose me. On the other hand why not?
During chemo, I would sometimes go alone, my preference. I would chat it up with the person next to me , if they felt like it. I had competent nurses, most were even friendly. They were busy but reassuring. But watching that poison drip what seemed endlessly from the IV bag into my vein, made me feel small. Made me feel sad, and lonely. It almost had nothing to do with the cancer.I mean having cancer is no picnic!
I felt lonely sitting watching that drip,when my roommate fell asleep from the Benedryl they put in the IVs to stave off allergic reactions. I knew that this cancer battle was mine alone. I felt lonely sometimes even though the nurses with their smiling faces would come in and out bring lunch and comment 'Hey only 2 hours left today" Or "make sure you drink all that water to flush this garbage out of your body". That was always comforting , to hear the nurses call my Chemo meds what they are poison. It actually was comforting , because they were being honest Honesty is something I will always value!
So there are days I still feel lonely ,no fault of my family , they are great support. I feel alone in my cancer fight, even though the surgery likely took it all out of my body I hope.. I am on medication daily for 5-10 years so it does not re-occur. Somedays I just feel lonely. Too quiet. That's when you'll see this crazy old broad with the radio turned up singing in my car to any Beatles tune, or Ramones...
I'm not crazy(debatable) , just feeling lonely. If you like sing along!
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