Someday's it's hard to keep going, so I sit down!

 Feeling useless. I haven't felt like this in a while. I feel old and rusty. I have no idea how to advise my grown children when I feel like they need some. I do not always want to say what I think because it's not always going to show that I feel empathy for their issues. So many times, when I open my mouth to say something I don't because, I do not want to either be taken the wrong way or outright disagree with them. When I don't say something sometimes its because I want to think of what and how I want to say something.  Then I get asked WHY DONT YOU SAY SOMETHING? And that's an awful feeling because I feel like I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO SAY!

Today I'm having a real shitty day. I feel sad. I do not want to do shit with or for anyone. I feel a little taken for granted sometimes , but not so much today. I just want my kids to be ok and when they are not I feel awful if I cant help. I'm a shit problem solver. I especially hate it when I try to help , and I feel like it backfires. Some times I feel like I must of been a shit mother. Love is not enough. Where is the wisdom , I thought I had passed down ? Was there any? I think tomorrow since I have nothing to do ,I will do just that , I need time to be by  myself , even if I'm feeling down. Sometimes my best advice is to not advise, because my advise sucks.

so for right now , I will get up and just keep fucking going.Today I have stuff to do.

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