Breast Cancer and other life stuff

Your family rally around you. Your friends post praying hands on facebook, and send their heal fast messages. Some are great , but somehow some feel like they are seeking attention and sympathy for themselves. I do not want anyone feeling sorry for me. Nor do I want to take any of the "credit" away from anyone who wished me well. I honestly felt all the well wishes and prayers helped. I liked the moral support. Sometimes cancer and the treatments  made me feel lonely. Yes people offered to come, and people dis come with me often . It was not a lack of people , it was cancer. It was not feeling sorry for myself , but I did wonder how cancer chose me. On the other hand why  not? During chemo, I would sometimes go alone, my preference. I would chat it up with the person next to me , if they felt like it. I had competent nurses, most were even friendly. They were busy but reassuring. But watching that poison drip what seemed endlessly from the IV bag into my vein, made me feel ...

Some days are just too quick. I feel like my life is getting too short for fast days. What the hell are you going to do? Some days I like the shorter feeling days . Because when my pain level is bad I just want to sleep. I feel bad not playing with my granddaughter. I feel bad having no energy, and being crabby for the day. Some days are good even with the pain. I can push through. Well the theme of this blog "no hair, don't care " does not apply to me so much anymore. My hair grew back it really is kind of crazy looking, and so curly. I was more used to wavy but this salt and pepper  haired grandma has got some curl. I still feel If and when the time comes and people going through chemo lose their hair it shouldn't make them feel less. Less beautiful . Some people seem to feel ashamed, You are sick, and trying to get better, nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Quite the opposite, That wonderful bald head is a message to the world that you are fighting th...

My insurance is doing battle with my hospital, their term is "negotiating". The Hospital is a smaller community hospital. It is the closest hospital to me and my cancer team is associated with this hospital. In fact my P.C  practice was taken over by the hospital. I have been under going treatment for cancer. Breast cancer. I have already had  a double mastectomy with reconstruction. I have had  chemotherapy and  radiation therapy as well. I am diabetic, found that out at my pre-surgery testing.That was a second slap in the face. Yesterday was the rally. The protest of sorts to tell my insurance to play fair, to give my hospital the same money for procedures as they do the larger hospitals. They are claiming to be paid 40 percent below the amount other hospital in this area are getting for the same procedures! The rally wasnt too big . The speeches not too long . The crowd , really not too hopeful.  So some hospital employees, some local politicians , and a h...

I don't know who else is going through cancer treatment, or is just beginning worried about what their treatment will be. How awful will it be. I can not tell you what you will go through . but I will say you are going to need a team of doctors. Let me see I have 5 ,for my breast cancer. They are all affiliated with the hospital closest to my home , and I tell you that was so convenient when I had to travel back and forth especially for my 34 daily radiation treatments.  It was already tiresome, I could not imagine having to drive to a further treatment center! Tomorrow I am going to that same hospital , and though the bulk of my treatment is over, I still see all the doctors affiliated with it. I am not however going for treatment. I am going for a rally, which sounds like a fun word , but it is really more of a protest. You see these 5 doctors work together to get me the best care, the best individual treatment program they could plan for me. Let me say one thing first, I have ...

Crap, How little I knew about side effects! The doctors all spoke to me. I heard the names of my Chemo medicines. Chemo poisons describes them better. They do the job. They kill the cancer cells which wanted me dead.  I google searched the meds. I was going to be my own advocate! A cancer warrior!! All those bullshit trendy slogans . All those "You can do this,atta girls"" !Were right here with you. We got your back"!! Not to downgrade people supporting you , but you go through cancer treatment alone. I tried to learn some treatment lingo , from support  .... I want to say groups... but its just post.  I think they might be called ' message boards". I would of preferred an old fashioned. chat room ,lol.     I have no memory for medical talks. I guess in the office, although , I know my doctor is saying very important things to me but my mind wanders.I think it was a bit of a denial thing in the beginning.  Or I forget half the things he or she said...

I finished Chemotherapy almost a year ago. I have finished radiation. I am still on a daily medication called Letrozole. It is a hormone blocker,Dr. Lee said I needed to take it for 5 years. I am going back to the doctor every 3 months for blood work , They will remove my port next year. So am I done with treatment? No, I don't feel I am. I don't feel like it at all. I have not been told I am cancer free and do not think I will be told that till my 5 year anniversary with the letrozole  .I am still healing from the treatment . I still have some side effects, one which may be around as long as I am. I Have a pretty positive out look. But some days I just feel down.Part of that is chronic pain. I have neuropathy in my feet from the chemo.The pain goes from not too bad to excruciating and the worst part is not knowing when it will be acting up the worst. If it keeps hurting , I may give in and try gabapentin , it is a medication that may help. I just prefer not to be on so much ...

 Tired of no sleep because of the pain I am in 24-7! Funny I've read in other people's blogs how the moment your hair starts growing back in everyone around you forgets you had cancer. I promise I am not looking for pity, Maybe a little empathy. I was never told I was cancer free by any of my doctors. I am still suffering the effects of chemo and problems due to my surgeries and radiation. My doctors do not seem to care about pain. Or maybe they just really nothing they can do for nerve pain.  Conversations go a bit like this. "How are you feeling?" "Well my nerve pain in my feet is worse, sometimes I feel the same pain in my hip. " "It always hurts sometimes more some times less". "1-10 scale?" "Today about a 6". "Your blood work is good, you are doing really well ." Yesterday,was more like an 8'.  "Your hair is coming in  great." Yeah, I am having issues with pain in my breast from radiation also....