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Showing posts from 2023

I love You most of all.

 I love you the most. Because I am careful who I love. You would never purposely hurt me. I love you most,  because you are worthy of love. Nothing is perfect, not me, not love. My heart fills  when I think of you.  Nothing , no one could change the way I feel. Oh, I can be mad at you, and not understand  something you have done.  But I will always love you. Till I take my last breath.  I love you most  of all.

Someday's it's hard to keep going, so I sit down!

 Feeling useless. I haven't felt like this in a while. I feel old and rusty. I have no idea how to advise my grown children when I feel like they need some. I do not always want to say what I think because it's not always going to show that I feel empathy for their issues. So many times, when I open my mouth to say something I don't because, I do not want to either be taken the wrong way or outright disagree with them. When I don't say something sometimes its because I want to think of what and how I want to say something.  Then I get asked WHY DONT YOU SAY SOMETHING? And that's an awful feeling because I feel like I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO SAY! Today I'm having a real shitty day. I feel sad. I do not want to do shit with or for anyone. I feel a little taken for granted sometimes , but not so much today. I just want my kids to be ok and when they are not I feel awful if I cant help. I'm a shit problem solver. I especially hate it when I try to help , an...

Happy New Year? My word for the year 2023-try.

 Well, Happy New Year. What ever the fuck that means. I am having a bad day already and it's just started. I'm tired of being the one that looks the other way , the one seeing some good in people that isn't really there.  I am a fool to care about anyone who does not care about me.I do not like being quiet about how I feel anymore. I started thinking about making a resolution this year. I usually think of something and forget it pretty quickly. This year I thought I really wanted to be kinder. But it may be too hard. when there are so many entitled ,hate filled people. I want to pass on kindness, but sometimes it seems impossible to show kindness to ignorant , mean people. I want to show my granddaughter a grandma worth remembering.  I mean what's the point of having lived if the world would have been better without you. I want her to see me act kind to people who don't seem on the surface at least  to deserve kindness. I want her to know we do not know what others ...