Breast Cancer and other life stuff

Some days i don't even feel like being with myself. I don't want or need company of another human. I do like to spend time with my dog. There's a world of difference between being lonely and alone. Sometimes I am better off with my own company, There are days when I enjoy my quiet time too but those are not often. This is my snugglemutt. Her name is Emma she is 1.5years old. I wasn't so sure at first if we were going to get along. I adopted her when she was about 3 months old. This is the first thing I see every morning . She makes very expressive faces and can be emotional..I wasn't sure I was ready for another dog. Previously I had a dog named Chico who died of cancer. I had finished my treatment when we adopted her by I was still feeling side effects and also grieving the loss of Chico. Like I said I was afraid at first I would not bond with her.Cancer treatment made me forgetful, more so that I usually am. It made me exhausted. Puppies while adorable can ...

I haven't really traveled through time like H.G. Wells story, but in my 62 years ,I have seen a lot of changing times. Some not for the better. Growing up mostly in the 6o's and 70's, I can say with out a doubt times have changed, but in some ways it has stayed exactly the same as some people refuse to change. The good things I remember we neighbors,we knew them. Loads of kids playing outside together and walking to school together. Things were simpler then ,for kids anyway.  Ill get into changing times another time, tonight I just want to let go of some of the sadness I feel . I actually grew up in the same town I live in now. I feel like time was going slower back then,but, I guess its just because I was a kid. I feel like we don't realize how quickly our lives are moving until we have kids of our own.  That is when we start to think things like "Wow, I cant believe, the baby is already getting a tooth." Then it seems so soon you are clapping as they walk...

When you are diagnosed with breast cancer a lot of thoughts go through your head. My first thought was I want to fight this disease. I want more time to spend with my granddaughter. I was concerned she would not remember me, which made me feel so sad. My daughters never really had their grandparents. When My surgeons suggested there  was an easy way and a harder way to do reconstruction , I went all in saying , "EASY WAY". Had I known then what I know now , the answer would likely have been different Damn, I should of known better. Things don't usually go the easy way for me , ever. I do not think I knew I was going to have radiation when I spoke with my breast surgeon or the plastic surgeon doing the surgery. I never had many questions, looking back I should have. ALL I kept thinking was I can not get this surgery over soon enough and begin my recovery. I am still optimistic about my cancer not returning, but I wish I knew more about the side effects . I had the sur...

I am unsure why,but, today I woke up in a foul mood. Usually I can shake it . Today not. I saw my oncologist this week and got some encouraging words. It has been 18 months since I finished radiation (I had chemo before that. ) ,and looks like this summer I will be getting rid of my port used for chemo. Yay , right? The benefit to that is I will graduate from going to the oncologist every 6 months instead of every three. It's kind of funny as I actually thought I was done after chemo. I wasn't sure during chemo that I was even going to have radiation. I guess we did discuss it but sometimes at the doctor I fade out and just don't listen. Not in my best interest.  I am not physically up to some stuff that I was before my cancer treatment began. In fact I am tired and have daily pain. I thought by now I would be feeling back to normal and now I think this may be as far as I'm going to go. I am feeling particularly discouraged today. No reason that I can pinpoint.  I am ...