18 months later, after chemo, after radiation #cancersucks #feelingdown #18months. #letrozole

I am unsure why,but, today I woke up in a foul mood. Usually I can shake it . Today not. I saw my oncologist this week and got some encouraging words. It has been 18 months since I finished radiation (I had chemo before that. ) ,and looks like this summer I will be getting rid of my port used for chemo. Yay , right? The benefit to that is I will graduate from going to the oncologist every 6 months instead of every three. It's kind of funny as I actually thought I was done after chemo. I wasn't sure during chemo that I was even going to have radiation. I guess we did discuss it but sometimes at the doctor I fade out and just don't listen. Not in my best interest. 
I am not physically up to some stuff that I was before my cancer treatment began. In fact I am tired and have daily pain. I thought by now I would be feeling back to normal and now I think this may be as far as I'm going to go. I am feeling particularly discouraged today. No reason that I can pinpoint. 
I am still on medication that works to prevent my breast cancer from returning . I really thought the double mastectomy would of done the job. Funny , I am not that much of an optimist but I thought after the surgery The doctor was going to say' we got it all, your cancer free', like I saw on television doctor shows.
But there was a lymph node that was positive. That is when something positive is negative.  By that I mean just not a good thing. 
So in just 8 and a half years , I might be considered cancer free. If I am still her in 8 years.
 For right now its deal with the pain as best I can and try to keep doing what I can. Sometimes I feel alone. I do not want company, when I feel like I do today ,I just want to be left alone.
So now I will read and think about how much I need to cut my hair ,considering I was bald 1 year ago. Its me a book and my letrozole.  g'night

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